Guilt and shame are a sweet couple that sometimes make our lives unbearable. They are social feelings that are designed to regulate people’s behavior in society. Thanks to them, we navigate life situations, behave according to the context. But despite their benefits, sometimes shame and guilt are difficult to experience. This happens when these feelings are too intense and unbearable, when they are already toxic guilt and shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We may confuse these feelings. But shame and guilt are different in their experiences, causes, and ways of coping with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A person feels guilt when they break agreements or do something that harms another. Guilt can be dealt with by taking responsibility for their actions. You need to acknowledge the consequences of your actions and compensate the other for the harm, apologize. And then relief comes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behind feelings of guilt is often anger that we don’t give ourselves permission to express. When we hold back from expressing anger at someone, that anger is directed at ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, in my family it is customary to plant potatoes during the May holidays. I choose to skip this event and feel guilty about it. This way I don’t allow myself to get angry at my relatives who demand such participation from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guilt is also a frequent companion of a person who feels omnipotent. This story about the great and omnipotent can stretch back to childhood, when parents’ expectations of the child were unrealistic, not age-appropriate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, a five-year-old child took care of his younger brother or sister. This process is called parentification – it is when the child switches places with his parents: the child becomes an adult in the eyes of the parents, taking responsibility for them or serving their needs. For example, a mother may tell her adult secrets or consult with her ten-year-old child about her difficult life choices. If your guilt is associated with such an experience, in this case it is important to distinguish between your responsibility and the responsibility of others and not to take on someone else’s, to recognize your limitations and believe in the strength of others<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame arises as a feeling of being inadequate. This inner experience is like something is wrong with me. Shame isolates you from other people, because you want to hide, run away, distance yourself. The expression “to fall through the earth” is exactly about this – the extreme form of shame, about the disgrace that we are very afraid of<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame can arise when we do something for the first time, because we may be clumsy because we are inexperienced. Shame also often arises when we get close to another person. We become visible to another person and there is a certain vulnerability in this. And sometimes we cannot always withstand this tension: we either rush forward or run away from contact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame is healed by acknowledging what I am ashamed of. By voicing it to another person and enduring the tension, shame is reduced. And isolation is also overcome, and instead a connection with another appears. Shame is healed by acknowledging the intention to want something, by giving oneself the right to be different, by facing one’s imperfection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is also worth noting that sometimes we feel ashamed and guilty in cases where it is unfounded. This happens due to our beliefs about who we should be and how to do the right thing. In this case, it is worth revising our ideas: where they came from, whether they are useful to us, and maybe it is worth abandoning some of them and replacing them with new ones.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Guilt and shame are a sweet couple that sometimes make our lives unbearable. They are social feelings that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":69,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"postBodyCss":"","postBodyMargin":[],"postBodyPadding":[],"postBodyBackground":{"backgroundType":"classic","gradient":""},"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-68","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting","category-recovery"],"yoast_head":"\n